Captain Ball

It's quite a surprising fact that not many know the fun-filled game of Captain Ball.

One might have guessed that in this game, there is a captain for each team, and your guess is right. Otherwise, it'll be called captainless ball. Ok, lame enough. I know. Anyway, back to the topic. Captain ball, if I'm not mistaken, is played somewhat like "Bola Jaring" aka NetBall. Instead of having a hoop as goal, a person stands on a chair and is guarded by a defender from the opposing team. Can't get the picture? I'll have some Microsoft Paint diagrams to help you.

I guess the diagrams quite blur. Keepers are the one at the ends of the field. They are people standing on chairs. Players are people running around in the middle, trying to pass the ball to the keeper. Once the keeper catches it, their team score 1 goal. Defenders are those standing just in front of their opposing team's keeper, and they'll try their best not to let the ball reach the keeper. Rules are simple. Players cannot dribble with the ball, or even move if they have the ball. They can only either pass it, or shoot it.

Well, if you are more than interested to find out more on this game, do go to Faith Christian Center this coming Sunday (6th July), at 4 pm. Yeah, there'll be an event called Youth Captain Ball. Don't be conned by the word youth, it's not restricted only for youths, it's open to all~!.

What's a better way to know a game besides experiencing it first hand!!

Cheated~!

Ever feel cheated?

Ever feel conned?

I just felt it.

I've been quite crazy with Call of Duty 4. Frankly speaking, it's the game I like the most at this moment. So, I always play it in cyber, everytime I'm in a cyber. I even purposely went to cyber for that particular game.

I've been downloading it for a week. It is a 6.32 Gb file, shared by some fella online. Wasted like eternity. Finally I've finished downloading it. However, it's in .iso format. So I downloaded another software to specifically unzip this file. After that, my brother installed it. Single player, cant play. Multi player, cant play also.

I feel so bo song~! (In a sense, no mood).. I've all my hopes in this download and it turns out like this....

So now I'm publicly asking, does anyone have the game (in a installer cd). I NEED IT~!!!

Crossroads

I've come to lots of junctions in my life.. Yeah, almost everytime I drive, I'll come to a junction...


There are just so many types of junctions. T-junctions, crossroads, roundabout, a branching to the left, a branching to the right, etc...

Sometimes in life, I really don't know how to decide. Cruel thing about growing up is not the facts of life, the reality of the difficulty to strive in this life, but endless decision making scenarios that are sure to make you regret one way or another...

Victor Lee once said "Junctions in life are not like junctions on the road, you can easily make a 3 point turn if you took the wrong turning, but it might not be possible if you made the wrong decision."

Ok, I'm really confused. Why? Cause I'm quoting myself...

Alright, in life, I do struggle a lot. From the biggest decisions in life, to the smallest. From whether to be an engineer or lawyer, to whether to eat economy rice or chicken rice. From whether to compete in basketball competitions, to shooting or dribbling. Man, decisions are a never ending process!

Now, I'm considering whether to further my studies beyond what I am doing now or not. Now, I'm considering which ministry to prioritise. Now, I'm considering which ministries to take and which to let go. Now, I'm considering where to settle after I graduate. Now, I'm considering how to spend my holidays. Now, I'm considering whether I should become less hyper active. Now, I'm considering a lot of stuffs.

It's just hard when decisions made come back to haunt you. You thought you took a left turn, but it was actually a roundabout. It's hard when you reach a one-way T-junction. You can only choose either one, no turning back. It's hard when you are going straight, and are prompted with side turnings. You don't know whether the side turnings will lead to a better future, or going straight will.

Life..

PS: I know most of you will ask me to ask God and see what He says..

Brilliant Evening

Not long ago, I had posted that I've watched sunrise all by myself. Today, I got to watch sunset, but this time, thank God, I'm not watching by myself. I watched the romantic sunset with someone special to me. Someone who has always been there for me for the past 2 years in KL.

Stop guessing my friends, yes, her name is none other than Inokom Matrix.

I spent my evening washing my car, and it took me 2 hours 45 minutes.. Yeah, I used that much time just to wash my car..

First, I vacuumed it, then I wiped it clean interiorly, then I soak it in soap, after that I rinse it with water, and finally I wipe it. Took me from 5.15 pm to 8 pm. Crazily tired now.

The next time I see someone complaining that my car's dirty, I'm gonna invite that person to join me for my next car wash. It's gonna be a whole lot faster the next time i wash it. Hehe.

I realised one thing while I was cleaning my car up, the car has served me well these 2 years. As I was washing, I was thinking, without this car, I could not have had so much comfort. Not just me mates. Lots of people wouldn't have enjoyed it. From quick trips to church, to long distance travelling to airport, lots of people have enjoyed benefits from the car. So I am publicly thanking my car for all the 2 years of serving me and my friends. Imagine the car is a transformer, stands up one day and says this " What the heck. I've served you so hard and what do I get in return? Nothing!! Ngo Em Lou Le (I quit in cantonese)"

However, in this world, not everyone appreciates the car. You see, I've found tissues and wrappers in my car left there on purpose from people who thinks that my car's a rubbish car. The next time I get to know who he or she is, I'm gonna say this "Please don't enter my car. It's a rubbish car. It'll pollute you and downgrade you."

Sometimes, I do wonder. Why people don't appreciate cars. Transportation as a whole. I've been fetching and fetching, and I hate to be taken for granted. I believe all drivers do. Thus, I have a personal request to everyone who's being fetched by others. Not just me. Other drivers as well. Next time you get on a car, if there's a rubbish, help that person throw? Or just say a thanks the next time you get out? I dunno, I do say thanks everytime someone fetches me (except when my family does). And always remember, they have the right not fetch you anytime they want. You are not their boss. Keep this in mind.

Why am I bringing this up? The other day, I met a form 5 classmate from US, and we've been talking about courtesy as a whole. Why Malaysia fail and why other countries flourished. Well, courtesy is a big issue. Most of you might be blaming Indians. Worse still Malays? Well, stop blaming people, cause Chinese are to be blamed also. Just answer these simple questions. Do you hold the door for the person behind you? Do you smile when you see someone smiling back? Do you say thanks to the cashier when he or she is serving you? Do you feel thankful for the government? At least, there's no war in Malaysia. Do you clean the toilet after you use it? Just a simple wipe or flush will do at times. Do you tell your friends if you broke something at their place, or just keep it to yourself due to the fear of shame?

The list goes on and on. Well, this isn't an emo post, but just my thoughts. I'm striving to be more courteous this fasting season, and hopefully it'll develop as a habit. And yes, if you ask, I kind of say thanks to all the cashiers. Sometimes, it just makes their day.

PS: I won a cup in power soccer~!

Holiday

What should I do for my holidays?

Play?

Play??

Play???

I really don't know..

Suggestions please??

Father's Day

Lots can be said here
Lots can be told here.

My Dad and I, are not as close as any of you imagine, due to the Chinese blood flowing in us.

I still remember, the first time my Dad said I love you was in February, if I'm not mistaken. Was from a message. Simple SMS which shocked me. I was sentimental.

Yet thinking back, I did not spend lots of time with him. Not just him, my entire family. I have been occupied with uni and church ministries that I dun spend time with him. So how? I really wonder. I really want to be a good boy and spend more time at home.

So what's my father's day gift? Will take a pic and post it here soon. Yet, it'll not be as great as the gift I gave my mom. But I said something to him that I've never said to lots of people before. On father's day, i breakthrough. For the first time, I've said I love you to my dad.

Love ya dad cause you're the greatest~!

Thanks is just a small star compared to the galaxy of love you've shown me. Thanks is all I can do now.

I really am considering of letting a few ministries go so I can spend more time with family..
Another sign of aging?

I really wonder

PS: This post is not in complete sentences, reason? Laziness kills.. lol

Power Soccer!!

Well, I've taken myself a quick holiday prior to my actual holiday. Yeah, I've done 3 out of 4 papers, with the last one a whooping 12 days after my third paper. Being the lazy fella I am, I took myself vacation till Monday, before I started to study for my last paper.

So what kind of holiday did I have?

Besides Alpha's Holy Spirit Weekend, and my first experience of reading bible, I occupied myself well with Power Soccer.

Where can I find this game?

Simply go to http://www.miniclip.com , scroll to the area where the games are alphabetically ordered, and look for Power Soccer. Simple as that. It's something like a FIFA game, and it has similar controls. It is addictive and fun. WARNING : ADDICTIVE AND FUN!!!

You get to create your own team, your own team names, get to add nicknames to your players, get to choose your outfit, get to make your own badge, and it's all FREE (of course, for better upgrades, you need money!!)

Well, I shall allow you to have a look at my team, Wacky Warriors FC (initially it was blue and green, but later I changed it to suit FCC's new logo colour, gold and white!! However, I didnt change the name to FCC FC cause I'm afraid of copyright.. hehe) I got the inspiration of using FCC colours from Timothy Lim. He once did that too, so I'm a copycat.. hehe..



This is it. The badge and uniform are displayed. A highlight of a goal I scored is also included in the following blog post. For those interested, do let me know when you start playing~!

PS: Back to study, won't be playing till 23rd June.

Highlight~!

Old

Played basketball today.
Got slight injury.
Got muscle aches throughout my body.

I must say, I feel old..

PS: Trying to get shortest post. Haha

Eyes On Me

A very nice song. Theme song for Final Fantasy VIII. Also a very nice game.

First Down

One paper down, Three more to focus on.

Recently, events are plenty. I've learnt lots from it. For those who are concerned, I'm back on track again. Am praying hard I can score my microprocessor paper and scare my lecturer with the result.

Oh ya, a small bit of advertisement.

ALPHA COURSE is ON in FCC, every SUNDAY night 7PM~!!

Don't miss it~!

Another thing is, the link to ilovefcc.com has been added. Do utilize it. Hehe.

Experience

Another hard to pass by day has finally passed. Finally gotten more sleep.

Publicly I want to thank everyone who cared. Thanks for all the phone calls. Thanks for all the messages. Thanks for all the comments. Thanks for all the encouragements. Thanks for all the bible verses. Thanks for all the time. Thanks for all the heart that you've shown. Thanks for all the care that I received.

Yet, please don't expect me to be back just like that. Things will never be the same anymore.

3 things I've learnt and never will i forget,

1. Hurt - Hurt is the hurtest when you're actually hurting the ones you've never ever wanted to hurt.

2. Appreciate - It's always too late to realise that you've lost something dear to your heart. Appreciation is always more important than regretting stuffs.

3. Actions speak louder than words - Sometimes, planning and following guidelines is not good. Technically yes, it's good, reality no.


Well, saying so much also can't change the fact that I've hurt someone I never ever wanted to hurt. Humans are always humans. When Ps Soo Jean say I'm not ready for a relationship, defensively I do think I am ready. Yet, the fact remains. Kid still I am.

Spent a whole night with Chong Xing, he really showed me who I used to be. For unlogical reasons, I am not the Victor that I hope to be. Pride kills I do believe.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to everyone. I do feel in debt with all the concern you've shown. Thanks.

The Longest Weekend

Alright, before I start anything, I shall let out a few warnings for this post.

First, if you hate long and length blog post, skip this.
Second, if you hate emo-ish blog post, skip this.
Third, if you hate a person who is thinking stupidly, skip this.
Fourth, if you are an easily annoyed person, skip this.
Fifth, if you are the one I like, I don't recommend you read this.

Let me tell you the time I started blogging. It's 5.25 pm on June 2.

Reasons I created this blog post

First, to express myself.
Second, to let FCC-ians know why I practically cried just prior to alpha.
Third, apologize.
Fourth, I am lazy. Lazy to tell others what's happening in my life.
Fifth, I want you all to appreciate those around you. Don't repeat my mistake.

Alright, how should I start this?

On saturday, 31st May 2008, it's was still a normal saturday for me. Woke up, washed clothes, went for guitar lesson, Ricky, my sifu, said that I am very promising and wants to train me to play lead. I am deliberately happy. No one will ever know the future. Sometimes I do think that knowing the future is a good thing. But, not knowing is also a good thing. Why not knowing is a good thing? I dunno.. I can't talk well dy. I can't think well. I am not so me anymore.

Before I continue, names have been altered to protect the image of those involved. So I will regard myself as Colin (Went to cash converted and there were tags with names and their meaning imprinted. Victor and Colin had the same meaning, so i am using Colin).

Saturday night, I smsed a girl called Sarah (common name, not really sarah). My message triggered something. Unknowingly, that message changed my life. So I decided to get a reload card and called her that night. She said I'm not a good guy. I'm not who I should be. There are still some points, but I guess all those are hard enough for me. I could hear her crying at the end of the phone call. She deliberately ended the conversation. I felt bad. I called Jason Pang (no use hiding his name though). Talked with him through phone. Can't sleep that night. Perhaps only got 3-4 hours of sleep. Showtime again.


After ushering, I went to eat as usual. Went home to rest. But my mind was racing here and there. I can't seem to find peace. Went to alpha as usual. I knew in my logical mind, I can't lead a group if I've got dilemma in me. Thus, I have resolved to look for Tracy and Jason's prayers. Told them the problem bugging me, they told me to decide to start a relationship or let go. Why you might ask. I did not officially start a relationship with her. But feelings are here and there. 7 years, is all I can say about this feeling I have for her. Some will say, 7 years, there won't be any feel left behind. I thought so too. I didnt have goosebumps when I'm around her anymore. I didn't feel nervous and have plannings on the things I want to do with her whenever I go out with her. I too thought that it's over already.

But when tracy was telling me the logical part, which is to let go. I can't accept it. Seriously. My mind can think. I am a person who have no problem telling others what to do in relationship. I constantly remind my classmates to be gentleman, to bring their gf to eat, to contact their long distance gfs. I myself, am not qualified to say those, now I know. My mind tells me this. I'm in KL. She's somewhere else. I can't be beside her when she needs me most. I can't see her facial expression to deduce her current feeling now. A phone is still just a phone. I can't hug her when she needs one. I can't grab her food when she needs one. I just can't be a bf to her. Logically. My heart, aches. Knowing that's the best thing to do, my heart really aches. I really really really don't want to let go. My heart is really not willing.

Tracy and Jason prayed for me. Prayer content: Asking God to help me lead. Nothing related to the relationship, yet, my eyes can't stop producing tears. For no reason, I really burst out there. In front of God, in His home. Alpha started and being a person who don't want to scare the new people, I had to "tahan" my tears, and went to toilet. I though I'm ok. Reality, nope. When I went back in to worship, I cant. Just cant. Whenever I open my mouth to sing, I can't. Tears are just there waiting to flood my face. Thus, I have resolved to silent worship, and to wear a mask throughout alpha. I know Rev Khee Vun won't approve this, but that's what I thought I should do.

During the worship, I normally love to tell the Lord, to take total control of myself, and to let His will be done. Whether to get 1st class honors or not, let His will be done. Whether to be able to maintain my scholarship or not, let His will be done. Whether to lead a group or not, let His will be done. Whether to maintain or let go this relationship or not....

I just can't ask for His will be done. For the first time in my life, I can't ask for the Lord's will to be done. I just cant. The struggle at that time, was a first experience to me. To fully submit to the Lord, it's not easy. Sometimes I wonder, what God wants. I served. I served. I served. All I ask for is, just for this to work out. Still, I am thrown to a dead end. Why I wanted to ask. Why. Friends are there to encourage, sermon's cheerful enough to get me a mask of a cheerful leader. Masked myself, led the group. Done. Sent them back. Done.

Later the night I called her. I asked her to make a decision. Gave her a day's worth. Of course, when one makes an error, the accused can't decide their own fate. Others will. Thus I have asked her to decide. You know, formality kills. Being too technical kills. Technically. I'm not yet her bf. Thus, I have tried to refrain myself from treating her as a gf. This is the biggest error of my life. Sometimes, nike is correct. Just do it. Lots of times, I do want to message her to say how i feel.But I do think the words "I love you" only applies to couples. So I have refrained. At that second call moment, I do want to say those three words. But I know, it's gonna affect her decision. It's not going to help. So I refrained.

Decisions done. I'm officially single and available. I thought I should be ok with it. When I went to drink with theodore and the gang, I can't stop but to cry while I drive. I do apologize. I shocked the hell out of em. For the first time ever, they came up with super duper uber lame jokes. Yet, they are laughing at each other's jokes. I just can't. Good deed seen. Good deed noted. But I just can't smile. The drink session was the longest of my life.

Sinyu is playing beautiful beyond description at the other room now. I can't stop my tears soon. Yeah, I'm blogging at jason's room and not uni. Reason? Scared I'll scare the hell out of uni frens.

Drink session is longest. I spent 30 minutes there. Felt like eternity. I wanted to leave. I wanted to cry. I practically can't finish my drink. I remember I kept drinking and drinking. But my drink never ever finished. Had to get Tim to finish it for me. Went home, I get what I call a cry swing. Mood swing is when one day, u get good mood. Other day, you get bad mood. Cry swing, for me is the feeling when in the first 5 minutes, you feel like crying. When you finally decide to cry, you just can't cry. You don't feel crying. Then when you don't cry, the cycle continues.

Called lydia. Talked. Called theodore. Thank God for theodore. Without him, I can't really cry. Yeah, I finally could let it out in the conversation. Finally. After crying, I could go to sleep. Remembered it's around 2.15 am. Suddenly, I woke up. Feeling full. Feeling that I slept enough, all tiredness gone. Guess what? It's just 3 am. Shortest sleep I ever got. From that point onward, I can't sleep. When I lie on my bed, i became restless. I sat down. Restless. Played guitar, no mood. NO mood for anything. Now only i realize what my friends and the TVB drama series show. I always thought that they exaggerated their sadness. Now I know, they did not. Last time when I really liked another girl, and got rejected. I cried twice. Managed to sleep. I thought she was my first love. But no, this is my first love. I am in an even worse condition.

Was just looking outside my window when my dad woke up. Thinking bout my dad, I do respect him. Sometimes i feel disgusted with FCC members. They don't seem to appreciate my dad. Without my dad, David won't be playing guitar. Without my dad, I won't be fetching and sending you. Petrol is paid by my dad. Hey~! Sometimes I do wish everyone is like Ket Hon. He is good. He is the only person who appreciates older generations. Only person who talks to my dad. Only person to call him uncle. Thanks Ket Hon.

Once he left. My cry swing came back. Only this time, I really cried, then stopped. Then cried, then stopped. I watched sunrise on my own. Reminds me of the camp I went. I almost got to watch sunrise with her. Almost, only that I fell asleep. Stupid me. Stupid me.

Went out with Des, Tim and Jas today. They wanted me to feel good. I too want. But hard. Messages are aplenty today. Thanks everyone who cared. But I can only say sorry to disappoint you that I'm not as tough as I seem to be. Des asked me, how long will I set the period, to forget her, and look for another in KL. I really dunno. I hurt her twice. And now I finally can feel the hurt she felt before. I really feel sorry. But nothing can be done. How long will I set? Only God knows.

Some of you might be thinking, why am I saying all this? Is she reading this? I can say, she read my blog before, I dunno if she'll read this one. Hopefully not. Don't want her to feel bad. But I really have to express it out. I dun have a motive to be with her again. All I want is that she's doing ok and am living a happy life. I somehow have this fear now. Fear that if there's the third change, I fear I might hurt her the third time. I do fear.

It was a really long weekend. The time passed extremely slow. Felt like eternity.

I shall be ok I hope. Am ending this post here. Too long already. I shall end this with a public apology to her. I am sorry.

For those guys out there, don't repeat my mistake. Technicality and formality is good, but not too extreme. Appreciate those around you. Don't be like me. I guess I won't blog until after 12th June. Exams around the corner. Have to study.

Encouraging comments are not welcomed. Reason: I am not worthy for those comments. Thanks if you have thought of it before.

I will remember 1st June 2008 as my second birthday.

Blog ended, 6.08 pm.

I already planned what I'm gonna do for her birthday. Since there's no more chance of doing so. I shall reveal the plan. Reason: I don't use the same ideas on two girls. I believe she's much more precious than the previous one and she deserve much better ideas. Yet, I am stupid. I planned to surprise her by not sleeping whole day, sending happy birthday greetings in 24 different languages, sending each greeting at each hour. But don't think this idea will ever be used anymore.